oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
