I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
