he was CRYING into my vagina
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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