She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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