Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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