Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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