The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
