I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
