Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
