census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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