i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
