she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
