Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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