So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
