i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
