did you get engaged???
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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