She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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