yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
