I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
