you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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