it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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