i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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