'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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