What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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