Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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