Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize