Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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