I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
handjob tips. give me some.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
