Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I touched a dick in church today
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize