my vag is so smooth its legendary
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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