PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
