This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
