forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
