I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
