In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
