I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
