Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
