Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
