Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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