You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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