i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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