Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
