Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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