Whod you bang
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Can Purell be used as lube?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
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