If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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