My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
