I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
