Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Damn victory sex feels great
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