I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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