I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
