I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
