My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
True strength comes from lack of pants
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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