Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
