i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
