i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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