i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
