Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
