just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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