just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
