If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
