I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The air taste purple.
Randomize