you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
