What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
