No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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