Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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