remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize