I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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