Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
