Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
