I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
