am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
