Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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