He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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