How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think my vagina is haunted
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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