I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The feeling are messing with the penis
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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