Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
