also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
