apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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