I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
