Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
operation harelip BJ is a go
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
