Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
