I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
