So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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