So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
