just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize