I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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