There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
