i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
