the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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