i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
