i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sober January is a disaster.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
