Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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