no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Randomize
