You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
