One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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