My boss' voice literally gives me gas
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
