i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I see more hoeing in ur future
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
