Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
